If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Don't EVER smell your tampon
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
