it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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