he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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