just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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