There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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