I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
