my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
