but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
