i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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