you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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