Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
