Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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