I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
