honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
