he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
