69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
