Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
