I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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