I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
