I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
