There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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