she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
