I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
