Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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