It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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