Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
