I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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