Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
