found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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