one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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