He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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