and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
