i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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