he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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