How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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