Where is the hickey?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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