If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
