I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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