there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
