hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
