After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
