mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
