She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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