I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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