Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
