at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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