I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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