Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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