girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
