so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
