everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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