Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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