How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
