sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
