I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
